How did this happen...?

"Who does not wish to be beautiful, and clever, and rich, and to have back, in old age, the time spent trying to be any of them."

  ~Robert Brault

For the past couple weeks I've found myself wondering "How did this happen?".

How did what happen, you might ask.  To that I answer...all of it. Before I explain exactly what I am questioning let me present this disclaimer; I have a wonderful life, and I am blessed beyond measure.

Still, I find myself questioning this time in my life called my 50's.  This period where I weigh more than I could have ever fathomed, leave the house without makeup, day-old dirty hair and except for the wedding rings on my finger, no jewelry. I haven't really shopped for clothes in ages and haven't bought more than one or two pair of shoes in the past year.  (My closest friends will understand how serious this truly is, based on the shoe statement alone.)

Just a few short years ago, I thought, and felt like, I was pretty put together.  What the he-- happened?  I'd like to say oh, I'm just not as vain as I once was. It's hormones...or better yet, I've matured- that always sounds good...  but what really happened?  Did I get lazy?

Perhaps I did, but there's always an excuse...I'm tired, I work, I volunteer. I ______.  One could fill in the blank with a million different excuses.  Still, when I look around there are plenty of women my age and older who do these things and they still look great. (At least they look great when I see them.)

Have I conveniently allowed myself to blanket laziness under a guise of "I'm more mature now?"I have to think about that one...I have the sweetest husband ever, at least most of the time  :).  He doesn't say much, but I find myself wondering if he'd like to see a little more of the old me?