confessions of a late bloomer

I was a late bloomer. But, anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky.

~ Sharon Olds

I always feel like I am one step behind...maybe that's why it is hard for me to believe that I've been alive for over half a century. (wow, that sounds weird, even to me!) Not too long ago I looked at my calendar and there was an orthodontist appointment penciled in for Thursday and an appointment to have contact lens checked on Saturday. I know what you are thinking, been there, done that, lots of people have to cart their teenagers to doctor appointments. The big difference here is that the appointments were for me!

I had braces on my teeth when I was in my 30's, in fact I had braces on the day Mark and I were married. I don't regret one moment of it, but I can still remember how strange it was to be the only adult in a roomful of bubbly teenagers who were hoping they would get their braces off in time for prom. I was just hoping mine would come off before menopause. Fortunately, they did. Unfortunately, my retainer broke putting me back in the chair again. My vision was always crisp and clear and I could easily read in the dark, although I'm forced to admit that my mother's voice echoed in the back of my brain telling me "Turn on the light, you'll ruin your eyes". That was until I turned 40. The minute I blew out the candles, the vision started to fade. At first it was just reading glasses. Then a brief whirl with bifocals that proved to be disastrous, followed by the constant "Where did I put my glasses?". So, at 50 I decided to try contact lenses...at least I know where they are, if I am lucky enough to get them into my eye!

It wasn't just physical late blooming; I didn't drink coffee until I was well into my 40's, I clung to "big hair" and perms until just last year, and just recently figured out how to download pictures onto my computer. My face has a tendency to breakout still and even though my friends say they can't sleep past seven on their days off, I have no trouble snoozing until 10 or later.

The way I look at it, I may chronologically be almost 51, but I'm really only 25...in beauty queen years.

Yes, I really do have a cat!

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

~ Mary Bly

Contrary to popular belief I do have a cat living in my house. Notice I did not say I own a cat, anyone who knows cats will tell you; cats are not owned. The sweet little feline in the picture above is Lexie, our 13 year old long-haired calico.

I still recall the phone conversation I had with Mark when Kyle and I were at the local animal shelter. "Do not bring home a female or a long-haired cat." I readily agreed, but that promise totally left my mind when I saw this sweet little ball of fur with the longest whiskers I'd ever seen. We had to have her, a long-haired female or not! The shelter told us she was six weeks old, but our vet said four to five at the most. She easily fit into the palm of my hand.

This was all before dogs...I had no desire to have a dog (don't ask me what happened there,I have no clue) and all was fine until McKenzie came to live with us...then Chance...then Layla. There are days when the dogs leave Lexie alone, but those are few and far between. She spends most of her time in our basement, coming in and out the cat door we installed in the door to our downstairs. She always comes up for treats in the morning and a goodnight pet and purr when the dogs go out before bed. We affectionately refer to her as our cellar dweller.

One problem we've encountered as she's aged is the fact that Lexie easily becomes matted. Not just hairballs, I'm talking full-fledged, down to the skin, full body length matts. We have to have her sedated and shaved by the vet about once a year. The picture above is one day post shaving- they leave her head and tail alone. I remember the first time I told Kyle we were having this done. I made the mistake of wording it "I am taking Lexie to the vet. We are having her put to sleep so they can shave her." I only got to "put to sleep" when Kyle cried out in protest "I can't believe you can be so cruel."

Most everyone knows we are dog lovers. It wasn't until last week when I had to go in late to work and leave early to take Lexie to the vet that I realized most people don't know we have a cat, and these are people who've been to my house more than once. (I think my staff thought I was just using the cat excuse to get out of work) :)
I forgave them, my friends all know I have a cat...or so I thought. The next night during bookclub Lexie made a rare appearance and one of my dearest friends noted that "Your cat is bald". This was followed by a chorus of "You have a cat?!?" from the others.

Yes, I really do have a cat!

my aha moment

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.

~Oliver Wendell Holmes

I recently interviewed with another company for a new job. Several interviews actually. They had lots to offer; a substantial increase in pay, matching 401K, bonus incentives, and profit sharing. It was an opportunity for professional growth and advancement that, had I been 20 years younger, I would have killed for. Taking this new job would require a minimum of 60-70 hour work weeks for at least the next 12 months. While I was gone I had lots of time to rethink the opportunity that waited for me back home in Ohio.

I can't argue that making more money would be nice, and it would also feel good to be challenged with new opportunities, but was I willing to give up so much of my time at this point in my life? For a long time, most of my life actually, I've chased the dream. Always wanting more, never quite satisfied, afraid I was missing out on something. Sometime in the last 6 months something happened, and for lack of a better word, I realize that I had my "aha" moment.

I am so blessed to have a healthy family, a beautiful new granddaughter, a comfortable home where friends are always welcome, a husband who loves me unconditionally, enough financial security to enjoy vacations, splurges on pedicures and spa treatments, clothes, shoes, purses and ridiculously priced out to eat meals. I have friends who know all about me, the good, the bad and the ugly and love me anyway, who stand up for me when others try to put me down. I've come to value my family as my number one possession, my children are my greatest accomplishment- not my financial reports or scores or anything else related to my job. I love the fact that my dogs act like they haven't seen me in years when I come home at night, that I can step out my backdoor and feel like I've entered another world where stress and distractions can't find me, and where I can dig around in the dirt, playing with flowers or growing vegetables. I want to be a better cook and love it when I find a little extra time to try a new recipe. Books are my friends, I never want to be so tired at night that I can't read a chapter if I want to. I've walked along the Grand Canal in Venice, stood at the top of the Coliseum in Rome, climbed to the top of Diamond Head, danced on bar tables in Cozumel, swam with stingrays in Grand Cayman. I've soaked up the sun on beaches from Florida to New Jersey, and hiked the rain forests in Peurto Rico.

But, I've also rode snowmobiles and 4 wheelers in College Corner, Ohio, spent countless hours in friends' and neighbors' family rooms, hosted impromptu summer parties on our deck, and spent lazy afternoons in the 914 cruising around with no where special to go. Once a month I have 15 family members over for dinner and it doesn't cost anywhere near what Mark and I have spent on overpriced meals just for ourselves. All of it was fun, it didn't really matter where it was. The place isn't what made me happy...it was the people I was with.

I've learned to truly appreciate the people in my life, they don't really care how much money I make or what possessions I have; but they do care if I am "there". Pursuing a job that would take that precious time away didn't make sense, especially when I already have a job that lets me work with some of the finest people I've ever known and provides me a balance of work and home that I would be giving up if I were to leave and go elsewhere.

I know I had a true aha moment because I have no regrets or second thoughts. Have you had an aha moment?

post vacation syndrome

Sweet little angel face lifts me up with just a gaze...

OK, I AM a slacker. I have been neglectful of my blog. I have been back from Hawaii for 10 days now and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could hold Lela in my arms and kiss her little head. I haven't felt quite up to writing, but life goes on, and it is time for me to get back a sense of normalcy.

Jet lag hit me harder this time than any of the other trips I've made. It took a good four to five days before my body adjusted to daylight savings time. Work has been extremely busy (job security) and thankfully my wonderful staff kept up with everything so I had little catching up to do there. Mark did a good job of keeping the house and dogs under control so I really don't have much excuse for being a slacker other than I just am.

My heart was heavy when I left Heather, Jeff and Lela. I had no idea I could love anything as much as I had loved my own children. Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, fatigue, extra strength Tylenol and puffy eyes over took my uncontrollable crying and I fell asleep. At some point I explained to the elderly woman sitting next to me that I was not afraid of flying, just terribly sad to leave my family. She smiled knowingly, patted me on the hand and simply said "I understand".

When I returned home, I tried to focus on the positive, after all, we've been blessed with a perfect, beautiful baby girl. I'm glad it is spring, the weather and flowers have done wonders to lift my spirits. I've managed to plant my vegetable garden (larger this year thanks to my awesome hubby!), transplant some perennials, improve my recycling habits (thanks to Heather and Jeff) and refocus on my kid's clothing project for the schools.

...maybe I'm not that much of a slacker :)

letting go

Today is April 6th and it is my last full day in Hilo, Hawaii. Lela Elaine Lehua came into this world and into our hearts on April 1st at 4:58pm, weighing 8lbs 11oz 21inches long. She is truly beautiful and one of the calmest babies I have ever seen. I don't want to ever leave her, let alone be separated by the Pacific Ocean and most of the United States. I keep trying to not think about missing put on her life but those thoughts creep relentlessly into my subconscious. I never knew any of my grandmothers and can only think about the special relationship my own children had with their Granny. Heather doesn't have internet access so my ability to see her grow and change will be limited to snapshots taken with a BlackBerry. I am reminded that this is the case for many grandparents but it doesn't make my heart any less heavy.

April 1st

Sitting in Hilo Medical Center awaiting baby girls arrival. It looks like her birthday will be 4-1-10.At least according to PST Heather is resting comfortably. Can we really be at the end of this long journey?